Touristen-Ostalgie

Ich habe schon seit einiger Zeit bemerkt, daß es neben der deutschen "Ostalgie" auch einen ausländischen sentimentalen DDR-Tourismus gibt. Wahrscheinlich inspiriert durch die Berlin-Begeisterung, lassen sich viele - westliche - Ausländer (vor allem Briten und Amerikaner) dazu verleiten, auch die ehemalige DDR und ihr Regime nicht nur zu verharmlosen, sondern glamourös zu reden.

Da gibt es Facebook-Gruppen, die halb kichernd, halb bewundernd die architektonischen Sünden der DDR als große Meisterleistungen darstellen, DDR-Modemagazine werden ausgegraben, Rezepte neu gekocht und die DDR zum Ort des cool erhoben.

So weit, so naiv. Dass 1000 Menschen an der DDR Grenze starben, oder unter unmenschlichsten Bedingungen in die DDR zurücktransportiert wurden und dort in Gefängnissen wie Bautzen erniedrigt und psychisch und physisch gequält wurden? Kein Wort darüber. Allenfalls wird von diesen naiven Touristen auf der Suche nach einem noch nicht beackerten Feld zugestanden, daß natürlich auch viel Unrecht geschah. Ah ja. (Dass die DDR ihre eigene Kultur hatte, dass man dort leben und aufwachsen konnte, dass man schöne Erinnerungen hat, ist eine völlig andere Sache.) Aber der ignorante "Von aussen Blick", der glaubt, erkennen  zu können, wie es "wirklich" war - aber in Wirklichkeit keinerlei Gefühl, Wissen und Hintergrundinformation besitzt, der läßt mich zutiefst erschaudern.

Der Höhepunkt war für mich erreicht, als jemand auf Twitter ein Foto postete mit der La-La-Unterschrift "Think the GDR wasn't romantic?" (das Bild zeigt einen Trabbi und eine Frau im 50er Jahre Kleid).  Hier begibt sich politische Ignoranz auf gefährliches Terrain.

Besonders unangenehm ist das Ganze, wenn diese Ignoranz durch vermeintliches Insider -Wissen "I lived there in the Nineties...etc" untermauert werden soll.  Britische Austausch-Studenten werden wahrscheinlich in der kurzen Zeit ihres Dortsein nur sehr wenig von der politischen Realität mitbekommen haben. ( Ich hatte allein vier Freunde die genau in dieser Situation waren und weiß, wie wenig deutsch-deutsche Realität dort bekannt war.) Einfach als "expat" nur in einer aufgehübschten ehemaligen DDR-Stadt zu wohnen und über die "nicht so schlechte" Vergangenheit zu rabulieren, ist ähnlich absonderlich.

Ganz schlimm wird es aber, wenn diese Ignoranz - oder ist es auch zum Teil ein Augenverschließen - auch noch exportiert wird. Touristen werden zu Experten, die zuhause fachmännisch über "the GDR" und ihre glamouröse Architektur, Mode und Denkweise Vorträge halten und Artikel schreiben. Das ist peinlich für jemanden, der sich auskennt und schmerzhaft für jeden, der unter den Verhältnissen gelitten hat. Und daß damit auch noch eine Kommerzialisierung, will sagen Verdienstmöglichkeit eröffnet wird, läßt mich sprachlos werden.

Es wäre lachhaft, wenn es nicht so traurig wäre.

Berlin? No thanks.

You can just imagine the article in The Guardian. Written by some badly-paid part-time hack from a grim northern English town. She's probably lived in Berlin for a year, knows (very little) German, and is keen to earn a bit of money.

So here goes - how "the ruthlessly efficient Germans" have finally accepted that order and duty is not everything. How they're finally coming to terms with their chaotic inner self. How their tormented Prussian souls have suddenly learnt to love squalor, unfinished building sites and outdoor toilets. Berlin, the former Prussian capital (geddit?) as the new Capital of Chaos, yo.

So far, so boring, and predictable.

But what of it really? It's true that Berlin attracts millions of young people from every corner of Germany, and ooh - even Europe. People who are fed up with the one single bus that links their village to the nearest small town. People from remote places where the bus shelter is the trendy place to gather. People who's idea of a fun night out is to hitch a hike to a club (club?) called "NYC" in italic typeface which is behind the corn fields in a disused chapel. People who like hanging round graveyards lighting candles whilst wearing long belted black leather coats.

Of course they love Berlin. It's such a big town isn't it? Full of vibe (pronounced Weib.) It's cool, hey? (pronounced kuhl). It's really creative. (Posting a promotional photo of a café with an ironic garden gnome in the window.)

So of course nobody minds that the place is a tip, and that nothing works. All part of that metropolitan feeling. Just like one imagines New York, or err,yeah... other big towns.

Berlin has become a mecca for international provincialdom. And just like other towns (the promotion of London at the height of the ill-fated "Cool Britannia" PR-campaign comes to mind) that are bankrupt, it tries to turn its run-downness into an asset. Which is fine, and has already worked wonders for property prices there. Just don't tell me all those broken-down trams, dysfunctional airports,and dilapidated concrete blocks is "the Germans" coming to terms with their inner turmoil.

Read This, Translators!

"Will you blog about it?" a friend asked, and I said no, I was too shocked.
But now after a couple of days, I decided: Yes, I will blog about it because however much it shocked me, I mustn't keep silent.

So what was it all about? It was all about the word "Lebensmittelpunkt" (the centre of one's life) which a translator thought had something to do with groceries (Lebensmittel). Oh yes they did.
Whilst this is so utterly hilarious that you can now probably dine out on it at bilingual dinner parties for the rest of your life, it's also serious. Very serious indeed. It is quite literally the equivalent of translating "carpet" as "small domestic animal in a vehicle". And it tells you one thing with  brutal laser-light clarity - somebody who would even think of such a possibility has no idea about the language, no grip of German, and should most definitely not be working as a translator. 

This is not an isolated case. I look at translators' websites, flyers, promotional material - and I shudder. It's so bad. And if they cannot manage their own advertising in a "foreign" language, how can they translate customers' (no doubt they would call them "clients") texts? There are translators who write blogs (in their 'other' language) which on a good day you think are a bit manky, and on a bad day they are incomprehensible. Yet those people put themselves about, have fan pages on Facebook, etc.etc

 Listen - I don't begrudge them their money, and their income. I'm NOT a translator, therefore I'm not your competition. I'm just someone who cares deeply about language, and really feels that this shady, furtive ("och, no idea but nobody will notice, just say groceries...") behaviour has to stop. Please realise, all you good, honest, able translators out there that those people are damaging your industry, your work, and your reputation. You should be campaigning against THEM, not against falling rates and machine translators. (Oh btw, my examples aren't anonymous students slaving away in a translation factory! They are ladies and gentlemen with an office, a company name, and as I said a badly translated website.)

So please don't just always feel under attack - DO SOMETHING! Stop going to conferences and organise yourselves into guilds and "Verbände". Your language won't get better that way. What are you going to do with all those "referrals" if you translate utter rubbish? And don't think people won't notice. This isn't just me speaking as a language lover. People in major companies have become highly suspicious of translators and are collectively moving away from those dodgy rate-quoters, just in it for the money - who nevertheless hide behind high-falutin' "Quality has its price" mottos. I know this because I talk to them about it.

So what SHOULD you be doing?

1. Be self-critical. An old O-level, a dusty dictionary and plenty of online resources (Linguee et al) won't see you through. Fact. Accept it. 
2. Improve your language drastically. And I mean drastically. You already have a certain level of "expertise" - work it" Read nothing but "foreign" language websites, books etc. Whenever you can, avoid speaking your "mother tongue".Write original text, e.g. on social media sites. I notice people stick to their own language all the time - don't! And  also follow people who write in different languages.
3. Stop trying to hide the fact that you're not that good. People WILL find out. And it will reflect badly on you. Work within your limitations. Don't take on work for the money when you know it is too difficult.
4. Don't take a correction as a slight.  I have had so many abusive responses when I point out mistakes and errors. You will simply have to accept it. I certainly won't stop -  but more importantly your customers (err, clients) won't either. (If an electrician does a shoddy job, the customer would complain, too - with translations it might take longer, but it will come to light!)
5. I personally have little faith in translators who can only translate "into" X. If you're not able to switch between languages and have a near-adequate native speaker level in either language, you shouldn't take on translations. 
6.  A way out of this dilemma would be to organise yourselves into groups of mixed native speakers, thereby guaranteeing a level of quality.
7. Don't bemoan your fate with other translators (rates time-pressure, machine translations etc etc). It's a waste of time. Go out and exercise your language skills instead.
8. If you see bad translation work, say so. There's absolutely no point in solidarity with bad translators. Bad translators are bad for the whole industry. Their bad work will reflect badly on all of you.
9. And lastly, do not ever translate "Lebensmittelpunkt" as "grocery point" - but you wouldn't do that anyway, would you?

München - Ciao Bella!

München hat bessere Tage gesehen. Das große Damals scheint allenfalls noch in Wörtern wie "Schickeria" auf - allerdings bedeutet das mittlerweile nicht mehr Cabrio und Sonnenbrille, sondern die zwischen Bastelgruppe und Schlägertruppe angesiedelten Unterstützer des örtlichen Fussballvereins.

Dass auch das Oktoberfest längst keine Zugkraft mehr hat, sieht man dieser Tage deutlich - die Horden brutalisierter italienischer Männergruppen, die Armen, Ältlichen, die schlicht Verwirrten oder volltrunkene Schülergruppen stellen kaum das Hoffnungspotential eines erfolgreichen Tourismus-Managements dar.

Ein S-Bahn System, das mehrmals am Tag zusammenbricht gehört zwar in fast allen deutschen Großstädten zum trüben Alltag - aber hier, der Vorzeigestadt bayrischen Wohlstands kann man nicht mal eine sogenannte "Stammstrecke" managen. Dazu gibt es verdreckte Bahnstationen, Fünfziger Jahre-Kioske die um 6 Uhr abends schließen und natürlich - ein Superlativ muß ja sein, die höchsten Nahvehrkehrspreise Deutschlands.

Das peinliche und einfallslose PR-Geschäft, das nur drei Wörter zu kennen scheint: Bier, Weisswurst, Brezn spiegelt die kulinarische Landschaft Münchens erstaunlich realistisch wider.

Selbst der einst so viel gerühmte Viktualienmarkt (gesprochen: Fiktualienmarkt) verdreckt und verfällt zunehmends. Aus Mangel an Kundschaft gibt es hier mittlerweile Gummibärchen zu kaufen und die Gemeinschaft der "Standlbesitzer" hat sich zu Radio-Werbung  durchgerungen, auf dem örtlichen Sender versteht sich, mit viel touristischem Bayern-Getöse.

München braucht eine neue Marken-Identität. Die müden, ausgelutschten Klischees vom Bier, den Madln, der Wiesn und wie sie alle heißen mögen, öden nur noch an. Angela Merkel beschwor neulich etwas das sich um "Lederhosen und Laptop" drehte. Vielleicht die Lederhose einfach mal im Schrank lassen,so schwer es auch fallen mag? Da draußen ist eine ganze Welt, mit der man in Kontakt treten kann - auch wenn man keine Wadlstrümpfe trägt, die von bierliebenden  italienischen Bus-Touristen fotografiert werden.

München braucht eine neue Gegenwart  - von der völlig ungeplanten Zukunft ganz zu schweigen. Und die muss jenseits der ausgelutschten Bayernklischees und der Komödienstadl-PR stattfinden.



Copyright M.Appleton 2012

10 Reasons Why Germans Tend to Be So Bad At English

Two street views, or rather audio-boos from two European capitals:

A couple of months ago I visited Amsterdam- and was truly gobsmacked: Amsterdam is a bilingual town. English and Dutch are spoken as if they were the two natural indigenous languages of that town. Amsterdamers are loquacious, eloquent, and switch codes with ease. Last weekend I was in Berlin. And I was shocked:  Berliners mostly seem to speak a sort of pidgin-English, with every verb in the present tense - unidiomatic, halting, and what is worst - they carry their local dialect over into English.

Of course I'm not singling out Berlin as a focus for bad foreign language skills. All over Germany, people will nod enthusiastically when asked whether they speak English - and reply  with a resounding"Yesss!" (It's a sign of their incompetence that it wouldn't occur to them to say "I do"). Their grammar is generally non-existent, their pronunciation atrocious and their vocabulary limited to about 200 words. Besides, they have a fatal tendency to translate word by word. "You go high there" (Gehen Sie da hoch).

Why is that? Why are Dutch people so adept at English, and Germans, despite their personal conviction of total fluency so useless at it?

1) Teaching methods are far too theoretical. At school, you don't get exposure to the actual spoken language, you get to memorize rules and regulations. ("The adverb always goes infront of the ...")

2) Teachers themselves aren't very good at English (having gone through equally bad language education), thereby procreating bad pronunciation and general linguistic inadequacy.

3) Children aren't exposed to how English is actually spoken: All foreign TV series are dubbed. In Holland, they all come with subtitles.

4) Pupils are not required to spend time abroad. And few Germans (as opposed to the Dutch) go for ,say, a weekend break in the UK.

5) There is an implicit understanding that German and English are quite similar.Thus, the radical difference in e.g. grammatical tenses gets totally overlooked. In German you  get by by just using the present tense - English with its complicated tenses/aspect system doesn't work at all if reduced to the present tense.

6) At university level emphasis is placed on translating texts, rather than active competence of a foreign language. It's almost as if styudying a foreign language automatically means wanting to set up business as a translator. Maybe this is a way of guiding students towards professional pragmatism, but it is not conducive to foreign language fluency.

7) Native speakers as foreign language assistants do exist both at school and unversity level, but they are too grateful for any active participation to actually bother much about students's accents. Incompetent pronunciation is so strong in Germany, that students are often baffled and at a loss when faced with the actuality of proper British (or indeed American) pronunciation.

8) Given the self-image as a competent speaker of English, Germans tend not to carry on learning, or even adding new vocabulary or idioms. ("Wieso? Ich kann Englisch")

9) Idioms are  crucial to proper English. German has far fewer idioms, and a rule-restriczve way of teaching/learning never gets anywhere near them. Germans learn words, not idiom clusters.

10) Bad English spawns off more bad English. Even companies advertising for international positions mostly do so in faulty English. Technical brochures, tourism websites, youth magazines and other publications are frequently written in pidgin English. And who is to notice?

A lot needs to be done to help this situtaion. Germany is seriously falling behind in European language competence, especially as other foreign languages (French and Spanish are currently  No's 2 and 3) are only spoken by a tiny minority. Massive funding of improved language teaching would help the situation, but what's even more important: The country needs to actually admit to itself that there is a problem which needs addressing.

The Pirate-Party: Male, Badly-dressed and Right-wing

A Psychogram of the German "Pirate-Party" Voter

This is original research. It is based on observations and conversations with people of my acquaintance, in real life and online. Journalists: If you want to quote - only with acknowledgemt of the source, i.e.my full name/blog URL.

• Overwhelmingly male
• People from mainly lowly backgrounds who are often first- generation graduates of a technical discipline
• Few interests in life, totally focussed on the internet (not the content side of it but the workings of)
• Lonely, often deliberate loners, self-styled nerds and geeks for want of a better term of belonging anywhere. If there is a partner, the relationship is more pragmatic than romantic
• Curiously often over-weight (probably resulting from their only interest: staring at a screen), often pale and bloated looking  (probably due to disinterest in food and a penchant for junk food to go with the self-defintion as "nerd" > admiration of American stereotype)
• Extremely badly dressed, typically: cheap t-shirt, ill-fitting jeans (often black), squelchy shoes; "Adiletten"
• Lowly job profile, mostly working in a subordinate IT role
• Low self-esteem, but....
• .... Desperate wish to distinguish himself - somehow resulting in a preponderance of (very frequently) very weird beards and (sometimes) wacky hairstyles
• Condescending attitude towards women ("no idea about technology"), thereby reiterating decade-old cliches - what their dads will have said about women drivers etc.
• People who feel that their superior knowledge of technology is not appreciated by society and therefore in return despise their fellow human beings ("Idiots")
• People who are prone to deify somebody who they regard as a technology guru (Steve Jobs!) -ready to accept, quote, and follow.
• People who are prepared to serve as disciples if their leader shares their values, or surpasses their knowledge
• Would like to have power but are regarded as impotent and slighty riduculous by society which they find irksome and in return causes aggression on their part
• Potentially prepared to wear uniform-style clothing (orange ties with logo etc) Strong will to distinguish themselves as a group
• Very widespread unacknowledged (and deep in the closet)  intense male bonding,bordering on homophilia, whilst happy to spout homophobic jokes etc. to distract
• Openly anti-semitic, masquerading as media-based and informed anti-zionism
• Established authority is rejected outhand, but "own" authoritarian leadership would be accepted
• Self-definition as "anarchist", hating any "establishment", convinced that time is ripe for a "whole new order"

 My assessment of this group is that it is (as yet) still deeply unaware of its ultimate destination. Thereby providing a fertile, unconscious ground for any potential exploitation of a diffuse mass dissatisfaction. Combined with a lack of any cultural, idealistic or (in the broadest sense) bourgeois values, this group is open and ready to be shaped in a potentially very hazardous way.

Opportunities Exchange Germany

In many ways Germany is cutting edge. When it comes to engineering, high quality car making, statics, high-speed trains, high tech equipment for medical purposes or oil-drilling....you'll find that Germany is running the show.

But there are so many soft skills the country is desperately lacking. Things that are taken for granted in Britain and elsewhere. Things that those countries even may have reached saturation point in.

Let me explain this a bit further. A post-war society was re-erected via manufacturing and engineering. The success was palpable and overwhelming, so why invest or even care about, say communication, negotiating skills,creativity, PR, aesthetics, building comfort zones, or even something so fundamental as MAKING THINGS FUN.

All those things you'd be looking in vain for in Gemany (outside a purely private sphere of course.) But these are assets and skills that translate directly into jobs. Putting it bluntly - there's a lot of money to be earned in Germany in areas which haven't been tapped into yet. The demand is definitely there, the money is there but what's lacking is entrepreneurial people with creative skills.

I have lived and worked in Germany for long enough (mostly in the creative sector) to know where the opportunities are. And also the pitfalls, as Germany can still be a very closed-off country which easily frustrates any newcomer.

So I'm thinking of setting up an Opportunities Exchange where people can post ideas, vacancies or even just share needs and state what they could offer themselves.

So if you've got any skills that you think might be valuable, please get in touch. It really could be anything, from party planning services to copy-writing, from food photography to birthday card designer... I wont't be able to fix you up with a contract but  I can point you in the right direction. Likewise, if you are in Germany, and think of any areas where creative and other talent is lacking, let us know!

I'm currently not looking into monetizing this, so there's no hidden agenda. As it is an exchange, please also let us know when you spot opportunities - other people will be interested!